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Subject: Jokes
PEOPLE I NEED HELP !!!!
i must have some english jokes for my english lessons.......but i must by not hideous and not about sex or some bad thigs...... can you help me. you write under some jokes besocue some jokes in this plot i don't understand
end sorry for my bad english :P
(edited)
i must have some english jokes for my english lessons.......but i must by not hideous and not about sex or some bad thigs...... can you help me. you write under some jokes besocue some jokes in this plot i don't understand
end sorry for my bad english :P
(edited)
I just heard a good one at TV.
Boss enters the office and decides to tell a joke to staff.
When he is finished everybody starts laughing exept one guy way back at the corner.
Boss asks him. Why aren't you laughing? I am quitting on friday says the guy.
;)
Boss enters the office and decides to tell a joke to staff.
When he is finished everybody starts laughing exept one guy way back at the corner.
Boss asks him. Why aren't you laughing? I am quitting on friday says the guy.
;)
A man walked into the produce section of a supermarket in Sydney and asked to buy half a lettuce. The New Zealand lad working in that department told him that they only sold whole lettuces. The man was insistent that the boy ask his manager about the matter.
Walking into the back room, the boy said to his manager, "Some arsehole wants to buy a half a lettuce."
As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man standing right Behind him, so he added, "and this gentleman kindly offered to buy the other half."
The manager approved the deal and the man went on his way. Later, the manager sought out the boy and said, "I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier. We like people who think on their feet here. Where are you from, son?"
"Wellington, New Zealand, sir," the boy replied.
"Why did you leave New Zealand?" the manager asked.
The boy said, "Sir, because there's nothing over there but whores and rugby players.
"Really!" said the manager, brusquely. "My wife is a Kiwi!"
The boy replied: "No shit??? Who did she play for?"
Walking into the back room, the boy said to his manager, "Some arsehole wants to buy a half a lettuce."
As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man standing right Behind him, so he added, "and this gentleman kindly offered to buy the other half."
The manager approved the deal and the man went on his way. Later, the manager sought out the boy and said, "I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier. We like people who think on their feet here. Where are you from, son?"
"Wellington, New Zealand, sir," the boy replied.
"Why did you leave New Zealand?" the manager asked.
The boy said, "Sir, because there's nothing over there but whores and rugby players.
"Really!" said the manager, brusquely. "My wife is a Kiwi!"
The boy replied: "No shit??? Who did she play for?"
Superman was feeling bored after a long day of crimefighting and wanted to go out and party, so he called Batman to ask if he wanted to go to a club and pick up some girls.
Batman said Robin was ill and he had to look after him. A little disappointed, Superman called Spiderman to see if he fancied a few beers. Spiderman told him he had a date with Catwoman.
As a last resort, Superman flew over to Wonderwoman's apartment to see if she was free. As he landed on her balcony, he saw Wonderwoman naked on the bed with her legs open. Superman thought to himself: "I'm faster than a speeding bullet. I could be in there, have sex, and be out again before she knew what was happening". So Superman did his Super Thing in a split second and flew off happily. Meanwhile on the bed, Wonderwoman said: "Did you hear something?" "No" said the InvisibleMan, "but my ass hurts like hell!".
Batman said Robin was ill and he had to look after him. A little disappointed, Superman called Spiderman to see if he fancied a few beers. Spiderman told him he had a date with Catwoman.
As a last resort, Superman flew over to Wonderwoman's apartment to see if she was free. As he landed on her balcony, he saw Wonderwoman naked on the bed with her legs open. Superman thought to himself: "I'm faster than a speeding bullet. I could be in there, have sex, and be out again before she knew what was happening". So Superman did his Super Thing in a split second and flew off happily. Meanwhile on the bed, Wonderwoman said: "Did you hear something?" "No" said the InvisibleMan, "but my ass hurts like hell!".
The manager of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an
urgent problem with one of the main computers.
He dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's
whisper.
"Hello."
"Is your daddy home? " he asked.
"Yes," whispered the small voice.
"May I talk with him?"
The child whispered, "No."
Surprised, and wanting to talk with an adult,the boss asked,"Is your Mommy
there?"
"Yes."
"May I talk with her?"
Again the small voice whispered, "No."
Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss
asked, "Is anybody else there?"
"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman."
By now, wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss
asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"
"No, he's busy", whispered the child.
"Busy doing what?"
"Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman,"came the whispered answer.
Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a
Helicopter through the earpiece on the phone the boss asked, "What is that
noise?"
"A hello-copper" answered the whispering voice.
"What is going on there?" asked the boss, now truly alarmed.
In an awed whispering voice the child answered,"The search team just landed
the hello-copper."
Alarmed, concerned, and even more than just a little frustrated the boss
asked, "What are they searching for?"
Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled giggle:
"ME."
urgent problem with one of the main computers.
He dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's
whisper.
"Hello."
"Is your daddy home? " he asked.
"Yes," whispered the small voice.
"May I talk with him?"
The child whispered, "No."
Surprised, and wanting to talk with an adult,the boss asked,"Is your Mommy
there?"
"Yes."
"May I talk with her?"
Again the small voice whispered, "No."
Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss
asked, "Is anybody else there?"
"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman."
By now, wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss
asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"
"No, he's busy", whispered the child.
"Busy doing what?"
"Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman,"came the whispered answer.
Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a
Helicopter through the earpiece on the phone the boss asked, "What is that
noise?"
"A hello-copper" answered the whispering voice.
"What is going on there?" asked the boss, now truly alarmed.
In an awed whispering voice the child answered,"The search team just landed
the hello-copper."
Alarmed, concerned, and even more than just a little frustrated the boss
asked, "What are they searching for?"
Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled giggle:
"ME."