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Subject: Jokes
Last night I said to my kids " If I ever get into a vegetative state, dependant on a machine and getting fluids from a bottle, just pull the plug"
I woke up this morning and the buggers had turned off my computer and poured my beer down the sink!
I woke up this morning and the buggers had turned off my computer and poured my beer down the sink!
Before he forgot a gift for Chuck Norris, Santa Claus was real.
Michael Jackson and Chuck Norris had a dance contest. Loser had to change colours.
I was walking down the street with my wife yesterday, and I saw my mother-in-law thrown to the floor by 6 hoodies, and they kicked her as she lay there.
My wife was appalled, and said "Don't you think we should do something?"
I said "Don't be silly, 6 should be enough"
My wife was appalled, and said "Don't you think we should do something?"
I said "Don't be silly, 6 should be enough"
A farm boy is showing his city slicker girlfriend around the farm. They come up the stables and see to horses mating. The girlfriend, still a virgin asked the boy " What are they doing?" The boy replies "do you see that long thing right that's his rope and those two things hanging from his rope, those are his knots". she understood, so they go to fool around in the barn and start to have sex. he's pumping away and he can feel her tugging at his balls. she tugs, rubs and pulls, he can't take the pain any longer so he jumps up and asks " why are you doing my balls that way?" she replies " I couldn't feel anything so I thought I'd untie your knots to get more rope!"
Why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a waist?
Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there..
How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?
Put a nipple on it..
Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up?
Because they don't have balls to scratch.
Why do men pass gas more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first ?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
A few days ago, I was having some work done at my local garage. A blonde came in and asked for a seven-hundred- ten.
We all looked at each other and another customer asked, 'What is a seven-hundred- ten?'
She replied, 'You know, the little piece in the middle of the engine, I have lost it and need a new one.'
She replied that she did not know exactly what it was, but this piece had always been there.
The mechanic gave her a piece of paper and a pen and asked her to draw what the piece looked like.
She drew a circle and wrote 710 in the middle of it. He then took her over to a car just like hers which had its hood up and asked 'Is there a 710 on this car?'.
She pointed and said, 'Of course, its right there!' The mechanic burst out laughing
A seven-hundred- ten....
