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Subject: Jokes
"I haven't sold one tractor all month," a tractor salesman tells his friend.
"That's nothing compared to my problem," his buddy replies.
"I was milking my cow when its tail whips around and hits me in the forehead, so I grabbed some string and tied its tail up to the rafters.
Then I go back to milk it and it kicks me in the head with its right hind leg, so I grab some rope and tie its one leg up to the rafters.
I go back to try and milk it again when it kicks me in the head with its left hind leg, so I tie its other leg up to the rafters.
Then my wife comes walking in and I'll tell ya, if you can convince her that I was trying to milk that cow, I'll buy a tractor off ya."
"That's nothing compared to my problem," his buddy replies.
"I was milking my cow when its tail whips around and hits me in the forehead, so I grabbed some string and tied its tail up to the rafters.
Then I go back to milk it and it kicks me in the head with its right hind leg, so I grab some rope and tie its one leg up to the rafters.
I go back to try and milk it again when it kicks me in the head with its left hind leg, so I tie its other leg up to the rafters.
Then my wife comes walking in and I'll tell ya, if you can convince her that I was trying to milk that cow, I'll buy a tractor off ya."
A man called home to his wife and said, "Honey I have been asked to go fishing up in Canada with my boss & several of his Friends.
We'll be gone for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get that Promotion I'v been wanting, so could you please pack enough Clothes for a week and set out
my rod and fishing box, we're Leaving From the office & I will swing by the house to pick my things up" "Oh! Please pack my new blue silk pajamas."
The wife thinks this sounds a bit fishy but being the good wife she is, did exactly what her husband asked.
The following Weekend he came home a little tired but otherwise looking good.
The wife welcomed him home and asked if he caught many fish?
He said, "Yes! Lots of Salmon, some Bluegill, and a few Swordfish. But why didn't you pack my new blue silk pajamas like I asked you to Do?"
You'll love the answer...
The wife replied, "I did. They're in your fishing box....."
We'll be gone for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get that Promotion I'v been wanting, so could you please pack enough Clothes for a week and set out
my rod and fishing box, we're Leaving From the office & I will swing by the house to pick my things up" "Oh! Please pack my new blue silk pajamas."
The wife thinks this sounds a bit fishy but being the good wife she is, did exactly what her husband asked.
The following Weekend he came home a little tired but otherwise looking good.
The wife welcomed him home and asked if he caught many fish?
He said, "Yes! Lots of Salmon, some Bluegill, and a few Swordfish. But why didn't you pack my new blue silk pajamas like I asked you to Do?"
You'll love the answer...
The wife replied, "I did. They're in your fishing box....."
A Swedish delegation on study tour makes a visit to a U.S. hospital
to study the conditions there!
On the second floor in a nursing ward they see a man lying naked on his bed masturbating
freneticly.
-"Thats just terrible! How can you allow these things?" a
shocked elderly lady in the Swedish delegation asks.
The American doctor explains:
- "This poor man is suffering from a
unusual and serious disease in the testicles, which quickly get filled with semen. If he does not ease the pressure at least 8-10 times a day he might get a terrible pain, and there is a small risk that the testicles simply explode."
- "Ahh ok...", the Swedes nod, as if they had heard of the disease before.
On the next floor they pass a room where a nurse is in the middle of giving one of the patients a real blowjob.
The Swedish delegation are once more shocked at the sight of thingsand once more the elderly lady speaks up:
-"And how do you explain this? What is going on here??"
The American doctor just shrugs his shoulders slightly:
-"Same disease, better insurance!"
to study the conditions there!
On the second floor in a nursing ward they see a man lying naked on his bed masturbating
freneticly.
-"Thats just terrible! How can you allow these things?" a
shocked elderly lady in the Swedish delegation asks.
The American doctor explains:
- "This poor man is suffering from a
unusual and serious disease in the testicles, which quickly get filled with semen. If he does not ease the pressure at least 8-10 times a day he might get a terrible pain, and there is a small risk that the testicles simply explode."
- "Ahh ok...", the Swedes nod, as if they had heard of the disease before.
On the next floor they pass a room where a nurse is in the middle of giving one of the patients a real blowjob.
The Swedish delegation are once more shocked at the sight of thingsand once more the elderly lady speaks up:
-"And how do you explain this? What is going on here??"
The American doctor just shrugs his shoulders slightly:
-"Same disease, better insurance!"
The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office.
The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney.
The auditor said, 'Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, Which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable.'
I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it,' says Grandpa. 'How about a demonstration?'
The auditor thinks for a moment and said, 'Okay. Go ahead.'
Grandpa says, 'I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.'
The auditor thinks a moment and says, 'It's a bet.'
Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops.
Grandpa says, 'Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye..'
Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn't blind, so he takes the bet..
Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye.... The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand,with Grandpa's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.
'Want to go double or nothing?' Grandpa asks 'I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk,and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.'
The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.
Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's desk.
The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win.
But Grandpa's own attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.
'Are you okay?' the auditor asks.
'Not really,' says the attorney. 'This morning, when Grandpa told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it!'
Don't Mess with Old People!!!
The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney.
The auditor said, 'Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, Which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable.'
I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it,' says Grandpa. 'How about a demonstration?'
The auditor thinks for a moment and said, 'Okay. Go ahead.'
Grandpa says, 'I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.'
The auditor thinks a moment and says, 'It's a bet.'
Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops.
Grandpa says, 'Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye..'
Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn't blind, so he takes the bet..
Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye.... The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand,with Grandpa's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.
'Want to go double or nothing?' Grandpa asks 'I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk,and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.'
The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.
Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's desk.
The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win.
But Grandpa's own attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.
'Are you okay?' the auditor asks.
'Not really,' says the attorney. 'This morning, when Grandpa told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it!'
Don't Mess with Old People!!!
On a passenger flight, the pilot comes over the public address system as usual and to greet the passengers.
He tells them at what altitude they’ll be flying, the expected arrival time, and a bit about the weather, and advises them to relax and have a good flight..
Then, forgetting to turn off the microphone, he says to his co-pilot, "What would relax me right now is a cup of coffee and a blowjob."
All the passengers hear it. As a stewardess immediately begins to run toward the cockpit to tell the pilot of his slip-up, one of the passengers stops her and says "Don’t forget the coffee!"
He tells them at what altitude they’ll be flying, the expected arrival time, and a bit about the weather, and advises them to relax and have a good flight..
Then, forgetting to turn off the microphone, he says to his co-pilot, "What would relax me right now is a cup of coffee and a blowjob."
All the passengers hear it. As a stewardess immediately begins to run toward the cockpit to tell the pilot of his slip-up, one of the passengers stops her and says "Don’t forget the coffee!"
Three men, Richard, Simon and Charlie are walking in the woods when they come across a tribe of cannibals.
The leader of the tribe says, 'we will eat all three of you if you fail the task i set you.'
all three men agreed to take the task, it was worth it if it would save them from a painful death.
The leader said, 'right, i want all of you to go into the woods and collect 10 pieces of fruit of the same type and then return with them to me.'
The men, knowing they had passed dozens of fruit on their way happily accepted. Richard was first to return. He had found 10 apples.
The leader of the cannibals said,'right, now i want you to shove the apples up your butt one by one without making any type of noise. If you make a sound i will eat you.'
Richard got to the fourth apple before he yelled in pain. He was eaten.
Next to come back was Simon. He had brought 10 grapes. The cannibal repeated his task to him and Simon began. He was just putting in the last grape free of pain when he suddenly burst out laughing.
Up in heaven Richard exclaimed to Simon, 'why did you laugh?? you were so close you could have survived!!'
Simon replied, 'I know, but i couldnt help it, i saw Charlie coming along with pineapples!!'
The leader of the tribe says, 'we will eat all three of you if you fail the task i set you.'
all three men agreed to take the task, it was worth it if it would save them from a painful death.
The leader said, 'right, i want all of you to go into the woods and collect 10 pieces of fruit of the same type and then return with them to me.'
The men, knowing they had passed dozens of fruit on their way happily accepted. Richard was first to return. He had found 10 apples.
The leader of the cannibals said,'right, now i want you to shove the apples up your butt one by one without making any type of noise. If you make a sound i will eat you.'
Richard got to the fourth apple before he yelled in pain. He was eaten.
Next to come back was Simon. He had brought 10 grapes. The cannibal repeated his task to him and Simon began. He was just putting in the last grape free of pain when he suddenly burst out laughing.
Up in heaven Richard exclaimed to Simon, 'why did you laugh?? you were so close you could have survived!!'
Simon replied, 'I know, but i couldnt help it, i saw Charlie coming along with pineapples!!'
Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. So they loaded up Jack's minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night
"I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed," she explained. "I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house."
"Don't worry," Jack said. "We'll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light." The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night. Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way. They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.
But about nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the ski weekend.
He dropped in on his friend Bob and asked, "Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up north about 9 months ago?"
"Yes, I do." said Bob
"Did you, er, happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?"
"Well, um, yes !," Bob said, a little embarrassed about being found out, "I have to admit that I did."
"And did you happen to give her my name instead of telling her your name?"
Bob's face turned beet red and he said, "Yeah, look, I'm sorry, buddy. I'm afraid I did." "Why do you ask?"
"She just died and left me everything."
"I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed," she explained. "I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house."
"Don't worry," Jack said. "We'll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light." The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night. Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way. They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.
But about nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the ski weekend.
He dropped in on his friend Bob and asked, "Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up north about 9 months ago?"
"Yes, I do." said Bob
"Did you, er, happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?"
"Well, um, yes !," Bob said, a little embarrassed about being found out, "I have to admit that I did."
"And did you happen to give her my name instead of telling her your name?"
Bob's face turned beet red and he said, "Yeah, look, I'm sorry, buddy. I'm afraid I did." "Why do you ask?"
"She just died and left me everything."
an animal researcher is explaining the ropes to a new assistant, and he tells him:
"right now we are doing some research on monkey DNA, so we need to go into the jungle to get samples".
this is the procedure : "we spot the monkeys on the trees from the distance, and at that moment I shoot the with this traquilazer gun, that's when you release the dog , wich will drag the monkey to us, so we can take all our samples".
then he said:" I must warn you that this dog has an strange habit; wich is that he rapes the monkey before bringing it to us, no one knows why ,but he does".
with that said they enbark on their mission...
after a while they spot some monkeys , an get to work, they shoot the monkey , it falls from the tree, the dog rapes the monkey, brings it to them and they take the DNA samples.
this goes on for a while until they are ready to get the last one of them, so the researcher shoots, and misses, "O.K he says one more try", but he misses again.
after missing several times and using all the darts , he says: "we really need that last sample but I'm out of darts, all I got is this sirynge but it has to be applied manually, so I'm gonna climb that tree, and do it myself".
But before he does he hands the assistant a gun.
"what is this for?" he ask.
so the scientist answers " well I'll might have to wrestle the monkey, and as you know they're very strong, so there's a chance I might fall from the tree first, and if that happens........shoot the dog!!"
"right now we are doing some research on monkey DNA, so we need to go into the jungle to get samples".
this is the procedure : "we spot the monkeys on the trees from the distance, and at that moment I shoot the with this traquilazer gun, that's when you release the dog , wich will drag the monkey to us, so we can take all our samples".
then he said:" I must warn you that this dog has an strange habit; wich is that he rapes the monkey before bringing it to us, no one knows why ,but he does".
with that said they enbark on their mission...
after a while they spot some monkeys , an get to work, they shoot the monkey , it falls from the tree, the dog rapes the monkey, brings it to them and they take the DNA samples.
this goes on for a while until they are ready to get the last one of them, so the researcher shoots, and misses, "O.K he says one more try", but he misses again.
after missing several times and using all the darts , he says: "we really need that last sample but I'm out of darts, all I got is this sirynge but it has to be applied manually, so I'm gonna climb that tree, and do it myself".
But before he does he hands the assistant a gun.
"what is this for?" he ask.
so the scientist answers " well I'll might have to wrestle the monkey, and as you know they're very strong, so there's a chance I might fall from the tree first, and if that happens........shoot the dog!!"
A woman came home just in time to find her husband in bed with another woman.
With superhuman strength borne of fury, she
dragged her husband down the stairs to the garage and put his penis in a vise. She then secured it tightly and removed the handle.
Next she picked up a hacksaw.
The husband, terrified, screamed, "Stop! Stop! You're not going to......to....cut it off are you?!"
The wife, with a gleam of revenge in her eye, said,
"Nope. You are. I'm going to set the garage on fire."
With superhuman strength borne of fury, she
dragged her husband down the stairs to the garage and put his penis in a vise. She then secured it tightly and removed the handle.
Next she picked up a hacksaw.
The husband, terrified, screamed, "Stop! Stop! You're not going to......to....cut it off are you?!"
The wife, with a gleam of revenge in her eye, said,
"Nope. You are. I'm going to set the garage on fire."
Boudreaux and Marie took a little weekend getaway trip recently, and on checking out of the motel, Boudreaux was presented a bill for $400.00 for just two nights. Well, being the frugal individual Boudreaux is, he proceeded to cut loose on the desk clerk. "For why my bill is so high ? We wuz jus' here for two nights!"
The clerk advised him, "Well, sir, the motel has a health spa, exercise equipment, running track, and an Olympic size swimming pool."
Boudreaux told him, "But I didn't use none of dat stuff."
The clerk replied, "Maybe not, but it was available."
Well Boudreaux really had his mad up now, and told the guy, "Well if I got to pay dat, here's a bill for you for $350.00 for you sleeping wid my wife while we was here!"
The clerk told Boudreaux that he didn't sleep with his wife. Boudreaux screamed back at him, "Well, maybe not, but she was available!"
The clerk advised him, "Well, sir, the motel has a health spa, exercise equipment, running track, and an Olympic size swimming pool."
Boudreaux told him, "But I didn't use none of dat stuff."
The clerk replied, "Maybe not, but it was available."
Well Boudreaux really had his mad up now, and told the guy, "Well if I got to pay dat, here's a bill for you for $350.00 for you sleeping wid my wife while we was here!"
The clerk told Boudreaux that he didn't sleep with his wife. Boudreaux screamed back at him, "Well, maybe not, but she was available!"
Word Perfect Helpline
This is a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline, transcribed word for word. The Help Desk employee was fired as a result of this incident.
Operator: "Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?"
Caller: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
Operator: "What sort of trouble??"
Caller: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
Operator: "Went away?"
Caller: "They disappeared."
Operator: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
Caller: "Nothing."
Operator: "Nothing??"
Caller: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
Operator: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??"
Caller: "How do I tell?"
Operator: "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??"
Caller: "What's a sea-prompt?"
Operator: "Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?"
Caller: "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
Operator: "Does your monitor have a power indicator??"
Caller: "What's a monitor?"
Operator: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV.
Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on??"
Caller: "I don't know."
Operator: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??"
Caller: "Yes, I think so."
Operator: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.
Caller: "Yes, it is."
Operator: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??"
Caller: "No."
Operator: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
Caller: "Okay, here it is."
Operator: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."
Caller: "I can't reach."
Operator: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??"
Caller: "No."
Operator: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over??"
Caller: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark."
Operator: "Dark??"
Caller: "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."
Operator: "Well, turn on the office light then."
Caller: "I can't."
Operator: "No? Why not??"
Caller: "Because there's a power failure."
Operator: "A power... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in??"
Caller: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
Operator: "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
Caller: "Really? Is it that bad?"
Operator: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."
Caller: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??"
Operator: "Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer"
This is a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline, transcribed word for word. The Help Desk employee was fired as a result of this incident.
Operator: "Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?"
Caller: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
Operator: "What sort of trouble??"
Caller: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
Operator: "Went away?"
Caller: "They disappeared."
Operator: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
Caller: "Nothing."
Operator: "Nothing??"
Caller: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
Operator: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??"
Caller: "How do I tell?"
Operator: "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??"
Caller: "What's a sea-prompt?"
Operator: "Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?"
Caller: "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
Operator: "Does your monitor have a power indicator??"
Caller: "What's a monitor?"
Operator: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV.
Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on??"
Caller: "I don't know."
Operator: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??"
Caller: "Yes, I think so."
Operator: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.
Caller: "Yes, it is."
Operator: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??"
Caller: "No."
Operator: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
Caller: "Okay, here it is."
Operator: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."
Caller: "I can't reach."
Operator: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??"
Caller: "No."
Operator: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over??"
Caller: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark."
Operator: "Dark??"
Caller: "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."
Operator: "Well, turn on the office light then."
Caller: "I can't."
Operator: "No? Why not??"
Caller: "Because there's a power failure."
Operator: "A power... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in??"
Caller: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
Operator: "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
Caller: "Really? Is it that bad?"
Operator: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."
Caller: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??"
Operator: "Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer"
A guy and a girl meet at a bar.
They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl's place.
A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands.
He then takes off his trousers and again washes his hands.
The girl has been watching him and says:
"You must be a dentist."
The guy, surprised, says:
"Yes... How did you figure that out?"
"Easy" she replies, "you keep washing your hands."
One thing leads to another and they make love.
After it's over the girl says: "You must be a good dentist."
The guy, now with an inflated ego, says:
"Sure - I'm a good dentist. How did you figure that out?"
The girl replies...
"Didn't feel a thing."
They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl's place.
A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands.
He then takes off his trousers and again washes his hands.
The girl has been watching him and says:
"You must be a dentist."
The guy, surprised, says:
"Yes... How did you figure that out?"
"Easy" she replies, "you keep washing your hands."
One thing leads to another and they make love.
After it's over the girl says: "You must be a good dentist."
The guy, now with an inflated ego, says:
"Sure - I'm a good dentist. How did you figure that out?"
The girl replies...
"Didn't feel a thing."
Johnny wanted to have s#x with a girl in his office,
but she belonged to someone else...
One day, Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to
her and said, "I'll give you a $100 if you let me
scr#w you. But the girl said NO.
Johnny said, "I'll be fast. I'll throw the money on
the floor, you bend down, and I'll be finished by the
time you pick it up. "
She thought for a moment and said that she would have
to consult her boyfriend... So she called her
boyfriend and told him the story.
Her boyfriend says, "Ask him for $200, pick up the
money very fast, he won't even be able to get his
pants down."
So she agrees and accepts the proposal. Half an hour
goes by, and the boyfriend is waiting for his
girlfriend to call.
Finally, after 45 minutes, the boyfriend calls and
asks what happened.
She responded, "The b@st@rd used coins!"
Management lesson: Always consider a business proposal
in its entirety before agreeing to it and getting
screwed!
but she belonged to someone else...
One day, Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to
her and said, "I'll give you a $100 if you let me
scr#w you. But the girl said NO.
Johnny said, "I'll be fast. I'll throw the money on
the floor, you bend down, and I'll be finished by the
time you pick it up. "
She thought for a moment and said that she would have
to consult her boyfriend... So she called her
boyfriend and told him the story.
Her boyfriend says, "Ask him for $200, pick up the
money very fast, he won't even be able to get his
pants down."
So she agrees and accepts the proposal. Half an hour
goes by, and the boyfriend is waiting for his
girlfriend to call.
Finally, after 45 minutes, the boyfriend calls and
asks what happened.
She responded, "The b@st@rd used coins!"
Management lesson: Always consider a business proposal
in its entirety before agreeing to it and getting
screwed!
A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer and two people show up. One is a
retired golfer in his late sixties and the other is a gorgeous blonde in her
mid-twenties.
The circus owner tells them, "I'm not going to sugar coat it. This is one
ferocious lion. He ate my last tamer so you two had better be good or you're
history. Here's your equipment - chair, whip and a gun. Who wants to try out
first?"
The girl says, "I'll go first." She walks past the chair, the whip and the gun
and steps right into the lion's cage. The lion starts to snarl and pant and
begins to charge her. About halfway there, she throws open her coat revealing
her beautiful naked body.
The lion stops dead in his tracks, sheepishly crawls up to her and starts
licking her feet and ankles. He continues to lick and kiss her entire body for
several minutes and then rests his head at her feet.
The circus owner's jaw is on the floor. He says, "I've never seen a display like
that in my life." He then turns to the retired golfer and asks, "Can you top
that?" The tough old golfer replies, "No problem, just get that lion out of there."
retired golfer in his late sixties and the other is a gorgeous blonde in her
mid-twenties.
The circus owner tells them, "I'm not going to sugar coat it. This is one
ferocious lion. He ate my last tamer so you two had better be good or you're
history. Here's your equipment - chair, whip and a gun. Who wants to try out
first?"
The girl says, "I'll go first." She walks past the chair, the whip and the gun
and steps right into the lion's cage. The lion starts to snarl and pant and
begins to charge her. About halfway there, she throws open her coat revealing
her beautiful naked body.
The lion stops dead in his tracks, sheepishly crawls up to her and starts
licking her feet and ankles. He continues to lick and kiss her entire body for
several minutes and then rests his head at her feet.
The circus owner's jaw is on the floor. He says, "I've never seen a display like
that in my life." He then turns to the retired golfer and asks, "Can you top
that?" The tough old golfer replies, "No problem, just get that lion out of there."