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Subject: Jokes
I just hate these kind of jokes:
`Mum what are they doing ?`
`They are making cakes.`
That is just stupid.
`Mum what are they doing ?`
`They are making cakes.`
That is just stupid.
My young daughter asked me this morning, "Daddy, what were you and Mummy doing in the bedroom last night? I could hear a buzzing noise, then Mummy started to scream."
"Nothing, darling," I replied.
It was then I burst out laughing as my wife walked down the stairs with her half-shaved head.
"Nothing, darling," I replied.
It was then I burst out laughing as my wife walked down the stairs with her half-shaved head.
Heaven: where the police are British, the cooks French, the mechanics
German, the lovers Italian, and it is all organized and run by the Swiss.
Hell: where the police are German, the cooks British, the mechanics
French, the lovers Swiss, and it is all organized and run by the Italians.
German, the lovers Italian, and it is all organized and run by the Swiss.
Hell: where the police are German, the cooks British, the mechanics
French, the lovers Swiss, and it is all organized and run by the Italians.
Scott had just been to see his doctor.
"How can I help you?" the doc asked.
Scott said, "I was chilling out this morning listening to 'In The Air Tonight' when suddenly my iPod accidentally slipped up my ass, now it's stuck."
The Doc looked at him with a puzzled face and said, "I've never heard anything like that before."
Scott said, "It's a Phil Collins song."
"How can I help you?" the doc asked.
Scott said, "I was chilling out this morning listening to 'In The Air Tonight' when suddenly my iPod accidentally slipped up my ass, now it's stuck."
The Doc looked at him with a puzzled face and said, "I've never heard anything like that before."
Scott said, "It's a Phil Collins song."
... A man races inside a bar, panicking, sweating and downright worried. He turns to all the patrons and starts yelling
"does anyone own a 6foot penguin" "does anyone own a 6foot penguin"
.. Slowly all the guys shake their head, all apologising as they cannot help the guy...
... This guys lowers his head, and as he walks out of the bar, he whispers to himself ...."fuck, i hit a nun"......
Why do so many housewives love Arsenal ???
Because they stay on top for ages & then come second.
Because they stay on top for ages & then come second.
men vs women men were up 4-0 and gave up the lead now it's 4-5
Why females should avoid a girls night out after they are married.........
The other night I was invited out for a night with the "girls." I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, "I promise!" Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily.
Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him. (Even when totally smashed... 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos = MIDNIGHT !)
The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, I told him "MIDNIGHT"... he didn't seem pissed off in the least. Phew, I got away with that one! Then he said "We need a new cuckoo clock." When I asked him why, he said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said "oh shit" Cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted."
The other night I was invited out for a night with the "girls." I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, "I promise!" Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily.
Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him. (Even when totally smashed... 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos = MIDNIGHT !)
The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, I told him "MIDNIGHT"... he didn't seem pissed off in the least. Phew, I got away with that one! Then he said "We need a new cuckoo clock." When I asked him why, he said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said "oh shit" Cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted."
A hippie got on a bus and spied a pretty young nun.
He sat down next to her, and asked her: "Can we have sex?"
"No," she replied, "I'm married to God."
She stood up, and got off at the next stop.
The bus driver, who overheard, turns to the hippie and says: "I can tell you how to have sex with her"
"Oh yeah?", said the hippie.
"Yeah!", said the bus driver,"she goes to the cemetery every Tuesday night at midnight to pray. So all you have to do is dress up in a robe with a hood, put some of that luminous powder stuff in your beard, and pop up in the cemetery claiming to be God."
The hippie decided to give it a try, the next Tuesday night. He arrived at the cemetery at midnight, dressed as suggested.
And there was the nun, kneeling down.
"I am God," he declared to the nun, keeping the hood low about his face.
"Have sex with me."
The nun agreed without question, but begged him to restrict himself to anal sex, as she was desperate to keep her virginity.
'God' agreed, and promptly had his wicked way with her.
As he finished, he jumped up and threw back his hood with a flourish.
"Ha-ha," he cried. "I'm the hippie!"
"Ha-ha-ha," cried the nun. "I'm the bus driver!
He sat down next to her, and asked her: "Can we have sex?"
"No," she replied, "I'm married to God."
She stood up, and got off at the next stop.
The bus driver, who overheard, turns to the hippie and says: "I can tell you how to have sex with her"
"Oh yeah?", said the hippie.
"Yeah!", said the bus driver,"she goes to the cemetery every Tuesday night at midnight to pray. So all you have to do is dress up in a robe with a hood, put some of that luminous powder stuff in your beard, and pop up in the cemetery claiming to be God."
The hippie decided to give it a try, the next Tuesday night. He arrived at the cemetery at midnight, dressed as suggested.
And there was the nun, kneeling down.
"I am God," he declared to the nun, keeping the hood low about his face.
"Have sex with me."
The nun agreed without question, but begged him to restrict himself to anal sex, as she was desperate to keep her virginity.
'God' agreed, and promptly had his wicked way with her.
As he finished, he jumped up and threw back his hood with a flourish.
"Ha-ha," he cried. "I'm the hippie!"
"Ha-ha-ha," cried the nun. "I'm the bus driver!
I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age.
The next day, she locked me in the cellar.
The next day, she locked me in the cellar.
My girlfriend just caught me blow drying my penis and asked what I was doing. Apparently, "heating your dinner" wasn't the right answer.