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Subject: Jokes
A little boy is waiting for his mum to come out of the changing room while shopping with her. The little boy gets bored and when his mum comes out, she finds him sliding his hand up a mannequin's skirt.
"Get your hand out of there!" she shouts. "Don't you know that women have teeth down there?" The little boy quickly snatches his hand away and thanks his lucky stars he didn't get bitten. For the next ten years, this little boy grows up thinking all women have teeth between their legs. Wen he's 16, he finds himself a girl. One night, while her parents are out of town, she invites him over for a little action.
After an hour of making out and grinding on the sofa, she says: "You know, you could go a little further if you want." "What do you mean?" he asks. "Well, why don't you put your hand down there?" she says, pointing to her crotch. "Hell no," he cries, "you've got teeth down there." "Don't be ridiculous," she responds, "there's no teeth there." "Yes there are," he says, "my mum told me so." "No there aren't," she insists. "Here, look for yourself." With that, she pulls down her pants and gives him a little peek.
"No I'm sorry" he says. "My mum already told me that all women have teeth down there." "Oh for Christ's sake!" she cries. She whips off her panties, throws her legs behind her head, and says, "Look, I don't have any teeth down there." The boy takes a good long look, then replies: "Well, with the condition of those gums I'm not surprised!"
"Get your hand out of there!" she shouts. "Don't you know that women have teeth down there?" The little boy quickly snatches his hand away and thanks his lucky stars he didn't get bitten. For the next ten years, this little boy grows up thinking all women have teeth between their legs. Wen he's 16, he finds himself a girl. One night, while her parents are out of town, she invites him over for a little action.
After an hour of making out and grinding on the sofa, she says: "You know, you could go a little further if you want." "What do you mean?" he asks. "Well, why don't you put your hand down there?" she says, pointing to her crotch. "Hell no," he cries, "you've got teeth down there." "Don't be ridiculous," she responds, "there's no teeth there." "Yes there are," he says, "my mum told me so." "No there aren't," she insists. "Here, look for yourself." With that, she pulls down her pants and gives him a little peek.
"No I'm sorry" he says. "My mum already told me that all women have teeth down there." "Oh for Christ's sake!" she cries. She whips off her panties, throws her legs behind her head, and says, "Look, I don't have any teeth down there." The boy takes a good long look, then replies: "Well, with the condition of those gums I'm not surprised!"
The last one is old, in Argentina, we replaced irish for gallego(that´s how we call spanish people, no matter we know that gallegos are only from Galicia)
download this short movie and enjoy
you have to wait a few minutes for downloading
http://media.skoopy.com/vids/vid_00789.wmv
sorry for my english :(
(edited)
you have to wait a few minutes for downloading
http://media.skoopy.com/vids/vid_00789.wmv
sorry for my english :(
(edited)
Location: somewhere in mountains..objective:.to reach a treasure guarded by death
3 competitors: A frenchman , an american and a gipsy..1st one..the frenchman..he finds the treasure...yeyy..i'm rich..but someone touched him on the back..the nervous french..asks..who is it..and get the answer...Death...and he dies...second..the american guy...same story..he died... Third..the gipsy...he finds the treasure and laughs..haha they was so stupid...and in the next moment someone on his back...the nervous gipsy asks..who is it?...the death said...Death...and then de gipsy...aaa...hiuuu..i thought u are a policeman.
3 competitors: A frenchman , an american and a gipsy..1st one..the frenchman..he finds the treasure...yeyy..i'm rich..but someone touched him on the back..the nervous french..asks..who is it..and get the answer...Death...and he dies...second..the american guy...same story..he died... Third..the gipsy...he finds the treasure and laughs..haha they was so stupid...and in the next moment someone on his back...the nervous gipsy asks..who is it?...the death said...Death...and then de gipsy...aaa...hiuuu..i thought u are a policeman.
All german ppl now will hate me...
But next jokes are meant as JOKES
Son is studying geography with his mother. Mother asks: "whatś the capital of germany?"
Son:"berlin"
M:"What about france?"
S:"berlin"
M:"Denmark?"
S:"berlin"
M"good job, adolf"
-------------------------------------
1. :"I`ll become the next Hitler, ill slay all jews and clowns"
2. :"Why clowns?"
1. : See! Noone cares about the jews"
If youd start to think about the 2nd one, it doesnt sound so funny at all, but yeah....black humour.
But next jokes are meant as JOKES
Son is studying geography with his mother. Mother asks: "whatś the capital of germany?"
Son:"berlin"
M:"What about france?"
S:"berlin"
M:"Denmark?"
S:"berlin"
M"good job, adolf"
-------------------------------------
1. :"I`ll become the next Hitler, ill slay all jews and clowns"
2. :"Why clowns?"
1. : See! Noone cares about the jews"
If youd start to think about the 2nd one, it doesnt sound so funny at all, but yeah....black humour.
made me smirk a bit :D
you'll probably go to jail 'cause of that ;)
(edited)
you'll probably go to jail 'cause of that ;)
(edited)
The questions below about Australia are from potential visitors.
They were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are
the actual responses by the website officials, who are clearly typical Aussies!
Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV,
how do the plants grow? (UK).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching
them die.
Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad
tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.
Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a
list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia?
(USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.
Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does
not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every tuesday night in
Kings Cross. Come naked.
Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here
and we'll send the rest of the directions.
Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it.
Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross,
straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? ( UK)
A: You are a British politician, right?
Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year
round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is
illegal.
Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense
rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All
Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and
make good pets.
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget
its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of
Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can
scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out
walking.
Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)
A: No, WE don't stink.
Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you
tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population
is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.
Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
A: Only at Christmas.
Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I
dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first
They were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are
the actual responses by the website officials, who are clearly typical Aussies!
Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV,
how do the plants grow? (UK).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching
them die.
Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad
tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.
Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a
list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia?
(USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.
Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does
not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every tuesday night in
Kings Cross. Come naked.
Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here
and we'll send the rest of the directions.
Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it.
Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross,
straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? ( UK)
A: You are a British politician, right?
Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year
round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is
illegal.
Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense
rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All
Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and
make good pets.
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget
its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of
Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can
scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out
walking.
Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)
A: No, WE don't stink.
Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you
tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population
is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.
Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
A: Only at Christmas.
Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I
dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first
Two Italian men get on a New York bus and take a seat behind a middle aged lady.
An animated conversation takes place between the two Italians.
"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses, dey come together.
Den I come again. Two asses, dey come together again. I come again and pee twice. Den I comea once more."
The lady looked around and angrily said, "You filthy, foul mouthed swine! In this country, we don't talk about our sex life in public!"
"You coola down, lady", said the Italian. "I'ma justa tell my friend how to spella Mississippi."
An animated conversation takes place between the two Italians.
"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses, dey come together.
Den I come again. Two asses, dey come together again. I come again and pee twice. Den I comea once more."
The lady looked around and angrily said, "You filthy, foul mouthed swine! In this country, we don't talk about our sex life in public!"
"You coola down, lady", said the Italian. "I'ma justa tell my friend how to spella Mississippi."