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Subject: Jokes
The original joke is older and funnier. I don't know how those plagiarists dare to put a copyright mark. Shame on them :|
What do cows chant at a soccer game? Au lait, au lait, au lait, au lait.
Abraham Linkedin was incredibly well-connected.
If you are either French or Jamaican, then chez mon you.
The Israeli PM likes to surf the Net and Yahoo.
Barack O’Bahama was the first Irish president of a Caribbean country.
Every time I scrape myself, I have a big cell abrasion.
I graduated sumo cum laude from the Japan Wrestling Academy.
Whenever I leave the country people say I emigrate guy.
What’s an incestuous person’s favourite video game? Marry Yo’ Brothers
Superman broke out of Alcatraz. It’s the Great S cape.
Did your company expand into Germany? That’s nein of your business!
You can wed your lizard in the US. They just legalized marry iguana.
If Apple invented a building material, would it be called iGloo?
Where do midget terrorists live? Halfghanistan.
Who knows about African wines? A Somali, eh.
Where in Africa does everyone ask for favours? Kenya.
Is there a place in the Middle East with a lot of Jamaicans? Yemen.
What does a Hispanic cow say? “Moo chews grass yes!”
My friend Isaac has self-esteem issues. When he first told me his name, I had to tell him, ‘no, you don’t’.
I need an Italian to paint my ceiling. I might call Angelo.
(edited)
Abraham Linkedin was incredibly well-connected.
If you are either French or Jamaican, then chez mon you.
The Israeli PM likes to surf the Net and Yahoo.
Barack O’Bahama was the first Irish president of a Caribbean country.
Every time I scrape myself, I have a big cell abrasion.
I graduated sumo cum laude from the Japan Wrestling Academy.
Whenever I leave the country people say I emigrate guy.
What’s an incestuous person’s favourite video game? Marry Yo’ Brothers
Superman broke out of Alcatraz. It’s the Great S cape.
Did your company expand into Germany? That’s nein of your business!
You can wed your lizard in the US. They just legalized marry iguana.
If Apple invented a building material, would it be called iGloo?
Where do midget terrorists live? Halfghanistan.
Who knows about African wines? A Somali, eh.
Where in Africa does everyone ask for favours? Kenya.
Is there a place in the Middle East with a lot of Jamaicans? Yemen.
What does a Hispanic cow say? “Moo chews grass yes!”
My friend Isaac has self-esteem issues. When he first told me his name, I had to tell him, ‘no, you don’t’.
I need an Italian to paint my ceiling. I might call Angelo.
(edited)
A young Man sees a Harley Davidson motor bike with a for sale sign on it, he checks it over and is astonished to find for an old bike it's actually in brilliant condition so he asks the seller how come ? The seller says well when I think it's going to rain I cover it all with vaseline and it protects it so the young man buys it and takes it to show his girlfriend who reminds him that he is going to her parents house for dinner for the first time. She explains that the rule in her household is no talking at the dinner table and whoever breaks the rule has to wash the dishes.
They get to her parents house and the living room is piled with dirty dishes as to is the kitchen, hallway and all the way up the stairs. So they eat dinner and the young lad gives his girlfriend a little snog at the table not a word was said he then had a little grope mother gets embarrassed father annoyed still not a word he then thinks fuck it stands her up bends her other the table and bangs her for all his worth. Mother is fuming and father is raging but still not a word was said the young man turns his attention to the mother and thinks mmm she's got a good body on her and grabs her, bends her over the table and smashes her for a good half hour, girlfriend fuming father is livid but still not a word then a bang of thunder the young lad pull out his tub of Vaseline out from his jacket pocket the dad pipes up fuck it I will wash the dishes !!!
(edited)
They get to her parents house and the living room is piled with dirty dishes as to is the kitchen, hallway and all the way up the stairs. So they eat dinner and the young lad gives his girlfriend a little snog at the table not a word was said he then had a little grope mother gets embarrassed father annoyed still not a word he then thinks fuck it stands her up bends her other the table and bangs her for all his worth. Mother is fuming and father is raging but still not a word was said the young man turns his attention to the mother and thinks mmm she's got a good body on her and grabs her, bends her over the table and smashes her for a good half hour, girlfriend fuming father is livid but still not a word then a bang of thunder the young lad pull out his tub of Vaseline out from his jacket pocket the dad pipes up fuck it I will wash the dishes !!!
(edited)
good idea: say it´s a shame to have a Ferrari that needs to go to auto repair, when your girlfriend has the period
bad idea: to add after her smile, well you know how it is with classics
(edited)
bad idea: to add after her smile, well you know how it is with classics
(edited)
A man and a woman meet at bar one day and are getting along really well. They decide to go back to the woman's house where they engage in passionate love making.
The woman suddenly cocks her ear and says, "Quick, my husband just got home. Go hide in the bathroom!" So the man runs into the bathroom.
Her husband comes up into the bedroom and looks at her. "Why are you naked?"
Well, I heard you pull up outside, so I thought I would come up here and get ready for you."
"Okay," the man replies, "I'll go get ready."
He goes into the bathroom before his wife can stop him and sees a naked man standing there clapping his hands.
"Who the hell are you?" the man asks
"I am from the pest extermination company. Your wife called me in to get rid of the moths you are having problems with."
The husband exclaims, "But you are naked!"
The man then looks down and jumps back in surprise.
"Those little bastards!"
The woman suddenly cocks her ear and says, "Quick, my husband just got home. Go hide in the bathroom!" So the man runs into the bathroom.
Her husband comes up into the bedroom and looks at her. "Why are you naked?"
Well, I heard you pull up outside, so I thought I would come up here and get ready for you."
"Okay," the man replies, "I'll go get ready."
He goes into the bathroom before his wife can stop him and sees a naked man standing there clapping his hands.
"Who the hell are you?" the man asks
"I am from the pest extermination company. Your wife called me in to get rid of the moths you are having problems with."
The husband exclaims, "But you are naked!"
The man then looks down and jumps back in surprise.
"Those little bastards!"
Muhammad Ali in 1974: Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee
Floyd Mayweather in 2015: Run like a chicken, hug like a bear
Floyd Mayweather in 2015: Run like a chicken, hug like a bear
- Why are you crying?
- I just got slapped in the face by a lady.
- What happened?
- I was holding a photography, but I dropped it and it fell underneath a woman's dress. I asked her, 'Excuse me, can you hold up your dress? I want to take a photo.'
If I wanted to kill myself, I would climb up to your ego and jump down to your IQ level.
On the night of their honeymoon, a newlywed couple has an unfortunate accident, resulting in the amputation of the groom's left foot. Unable to control her grief, the bride calls her mother from the hospital. "Mother," she sobs, "my husband has only one foot." The mother, trying to console her daughter, says, "That's alright dear, your father has only six inches."
- I just got slapped in the face by a lady.
- What happened?
- I was holding a photography, but I dropped it and it fell underneath a woman's dress. I asked her, 'Excuse me, can you hold up your dress? I want to take a photo.'
If I wanted to kill myself, I would climb up to your ego and jump down to your IQ level.
On the night of their honeymoon, a newlywed couple has an unfortunate accident, resulting in the amputation of the groom's left foot. Unable to control her grief, the bride calls her mother from the hospital. "Mother," she sobs, "my husband has only one foot." The mother, trying to console her daughter, says, "That's alright dear, your father has only six inches."
Superman was feeling bored after a long day of crimefighting and wanted to go out and party, so he called Batman to ask if he wanted to go to a club and pick up some girls.
Batman said Robin was ill and he had to look after him. A little disappointed, Superman called Spiderman to see if he fancied a few beers. Spiderman told him he had a date with Catwoman.
As a last resort, Superman flew over to Wonderwoman's apartment to see if she was free. As he landed on her balcony, he saw Wonderwoman naked on the bed with her legs open. Superman thought to himself: "I'm faster than a speeding bullet. I could be in there, have sex, and be out again before she knew what was happening". So Superman did his Super Thing in a split second and flew off happily. Meanwhile on the bed, Wonderwoman said: "Did you hear something?" "No" said the InvisibleMan, "but my ass hurts like hell!".
Batman said Robin was ill and he had to look after him. A little disappointed, Superman called Spiderman to see if he fancied a few beers. Spiderman told him he had a date with Catwoman.
As a last resort, Superman flew over to Wonderwoman's apartment to see if she was free. As he landed on her balcony, he saw Wonderwoman naked on the bed with her legs open. Superman thought to himself: "I'm faster than a speeding bullet. I could be in there, have sex, and be out again before she knew what was happening". So Superman did his Super Thing in a split second and flew off happily. Meanwhile on the bed, Wonderwoman said: "Did you hear something?" "No" said the InvisibleMan, "but my ass hurts like hell!".
20 Jokes For Extremely Intelligent People
Often we find that certain types of jokes fly right over some people’s heads. There is a deeper meaning that you have to understand certain basic premises to be able to find the humor. Basically, if you do not find these jokes amusing… you aren’t smart enough to understand them. Don’t worry, we couldn’t get every single one of them either….No pressure, good luck!
http://www.newslinq.com/smart-jokes/
Often we find that certain types of jokes fly right over some people’s heads. There is a deeper meaning that you have to understand certain basic premises to be able to find the humor. Basically, if you do not find these jokes amusing… you aren’t smart enough to understand them. Don’t worry, we couldn’t get every single one of them either….No pressure, good luck!
http://www.newslinq.com/smart-jokes/
