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Subject: Jokes
A mother passing by her daughter's bedroom was astonished to see the bed
was nicely made and everything was picked up. then she saw an envelope
propped up prominently on the centre of the bed. it was simply
addressed, 'mum'.... with the worst premonition, she opened the envelope
and read the letter with trembling hands;
dear mum, it is with great regret and sorrow that i'm writing to you. i
had to elope with my new boyfriend, john because i wanted to avoid a
scene with dad and you. i've been finding real passion with john and he
is so nice, even though he is 54, divorced [i think] and on parole, and
also with all his piercings, tattoos, beard, and motorcycle clothes. but
it's not only the passion mum, i'm pregnant and john said that he will
take care of me and we will be very happy. he already [nearly] owns a
caravan on the outskirts of wagga and has a stack of firewood for the
whole winter. he wants to have many more children with me and that's now
one of my dreams too. john taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt
anyone and we'll be growing it for us and also for trading it with his
friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. in the meantime, i ask
that you pray that science will find a cure for aids so john can get
better; he sure deserves it.... don't worry mum, i'm nearly 15 years old
now and i know how to take care of myself. some day i'm sure we'll be
back to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren. your daughter,
nicky ........ ps; none of the above is true. i'm next door. i just
wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report
card which is in my desk drawer. i love you.... please call me when it
is safe for me to come home......n
was nicely made and everything was picked up. then she saw an envelope
propped up prominently on the centre of the bed. it was simply
addressed, 'mum'.... with the worst premonition, she opened the envelope
and read the letter with trembling hands;
dear mum, it is with great regret and sorrow that i'm writing to you. i
had to elope with my new boyfriend, john because i wanted to avoid a
scene with dad and you. i've been finding real passion with john and he
is so nice, even though he is 54, divorced [i think] and on parole, and
also with all his piercings, tattoos, beard, and motorcycle clothes. but
it's not only the passion mum, i'm pregnant and john said that he will
take care of me and we will be very happy. he already [nearly] owns a
caravan on the outskirts of wagga and has a stack of firewood for the
whole winter. he wants to have many more children with me and that's now
one of my dreams too. john taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt
anyone and we'll be growing it for us and also for trading it with his
friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. in the meantime, i ask
that you pray that science will find a cure for aids so john can get
better; he sure deserves it.... don't worry mum, i'm nearly 15 years old
now and i know how to take care of myself. some day i'm sure we'll be
back to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren. your daughter,
nicky ........ ps; none of the above is true. i'm next door. i just
wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report
card which is in my desk drawer. i love you.... please call me when it
is safe for me to come home......n
Ion and Maria, newlyweds...
In the wedding night, Ion asks Maria for a blow job.
"Oh no" she says. "I don't do such things !"
...
Ion and Maria are married for 15 years now.
Ion keeps asking for a blow job.
"Shut up" says Maria, "the children are going to hear you. I don't do such shit, leave me alone !"
...
Ion and Maria married for 40 years now.
Ion is on his death bed, weakened and ill.
He can barely talk to his wife:
"Come on, Maria ! I'm going to die and I never had you do me a blow job. Would you let me die with this regret ?"
Maria thinks about their life together and finally agrees for a blow job...
... which goes great, Ion is more than happy.
Later, Ion is in the bed, weakened, almost asleep. Maria is in the kitchen.
The phone near the bed rings.
With the few energy left, Ion answers the phone:
"Hello... Yes... Who ?... Just a moment..."
Then shouts to Maria:
"Yo, cocksucker, it's for you !"
In the wedding night, Ion asks Maria for a blow job.
"Oh no" she says. "I don't do such things !"
...
Ion and Maria are married for 15 years now.
Ion keeps asking for a blow job.
"Shut up" says Maria, "the children are going to hear you. I don't do such shit, leave me alone !"
...
Ion and Maria married for 40 years now.
Ion is on his death bed, weakened and ill.
He can barely talk to his wife:
"Come on, Maria ! I'm going to die and I never had you do me a blow job. Would you let me die with this regret ?"
Maria thinks about their life together and finally agrees for a blow job...
... which goes great, Ion is more than happy.
Later, Ion is in the bed, weakened, almost asleep. Maria is in the kitchen.
The phone near the bed rings.
With the few energy left, Ion answers the phone:
"Hello... Yes... Who ?... Just a moment..."
Then shouts to Maria:
"Yo, cocksucker, it's for you !"
could somebody repost the link where were many sarcastic phrases like "if assholes could fly this place would be an airport" etc.
Heavenly Clocks
A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, "What are all those clocks?"
St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock.
Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move."
"Oh," said the man, "whose clock is that?"
"That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie."
"Incredible," said the man. "And whose clock is that one?"
St. Peter responded, "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life."
"Where's President Bush's clock?" asked the man.
"Bush's clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan.
A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, "What are all those clocks?"
St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock.
Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move."
"Oh," said the man, "whose clock is that?"
"That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie."
"Incredible," said the man. "And whose clock is that one?"
St. Peter responded, "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life."
"Where's President Bush's clock?" asked the man.
"Bush's clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan.
Sorry... I know it's politically sensitive ;) I guess this joke can be applied to any leader... anywhere in the world...
Funny joke if u ask me
A 17-year-old boys keeps asking to his parents if he can **** a ho, his father keeps saying no u have to wait til ur 18, when he's finely 18 his father gives him 50 euro's to go to the ho's, when he's arriving there he sees his grandmother. When he got back home his father asks him: "and how wus it ?", the boy answers: "I have seen grandmother". The father asks, what was she doing there, the boy answers: "wel, if you **** my mum, then i **** your mum"
:p
(edited)
(edited)
A 17-year-old boys keeps asking to his parents if he can **** a ho, his father keeps saying no u have to wait til ur 18, when he's finely 18 his father gives him 50 euro's to go to the ho's, when he's arriving there he sees his grandmother. When he got back home his father asks him: "and how wus it ?", the boy answers: "I have seen grandmother". The father asks, what was she doing there, the boy answers: "wel, if you **** my mum, then i **** your mum"
:p
(edited)
(edited)