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Subject: Jokes
hey, this a typical eastern jokes about militians. Altough, is truth.
classic, I'm sure it's been posted here before but never mind:
COWS AND GOVERNMENT
(Societies and their models)
- ---------------------
FEUDALISM:
You have two cows.
Your lord takes some of the milk.
FASCISM:
You have two cows.
The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and
sells you the milk.
PURE COMMUNISM:
You have two cows.
Your neighbours help you take care of them, and you all share the
milk.
APPLIED COMMUNISM:
You have two cows.
You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the
milk.
DICTATORSHIP:
You have two cows.
The government takes both and shoots you.
Mexican DEMOCRACY:
You have two cows.
The government takes both, shoots you and sends the cows to
Zurich.
MILITARISM:
You have two cows.
The government takes both and drafts you into the army.
SINGAPOREAN DEMOCRACY:
You have two cows.
The government fines you for keeping two unlicensed farm animals
in an apartment.
PURE DEMOCRACY:
You have two cows.
All your neighbours decide who gets the milk.
REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY:
You have two cows.
Your neighbours pick someone who will tell you who gets the milk.
AMERICAN DEMOCRACY:
The government promises to give you two cows, if you vote for it.
After the election, the president is impeached for speculating in cow
futures. The press dubs the affair "Cowgate", but supports the
president. The cow sues you for breach of contract. Your legal bills
exceed your annual income. You settle out of court and declare
bankruptcy.
BRITISH DEMOCRACY:
You have two cows.
You feed them sheep's brains and they go mad.
The government doesn't do anything.
EUROPEAN DEMOCRACY:
You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can
feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to
milk them.
After that it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the
milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms
accounting for the missing cows.
CAPITALISM:
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You retire on the income.
HONG KONG CAPITALISM:
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly-listed company, using
letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then
execute a debt/equity swap with associated general offer so that
you get all four cows back, with a tax deduction for keeping five
cows. The milk rights of six cows are transferred via a Panamanian
intermediary to a Cayman Islands company secretly owned by the
majority shareholder, who sells the right to all seven cows' milk
back to the listed company. The annual report says that the
company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Meanwhile,
you kill the two cows because of bad "feng shui".
TOTALITARIANISM:
You have two cows.
The government takes them and denies they ever existed.
Milk is banned.
POLITICAL CORRECTNESS:
You are associated with (the concept of 'ownership' is a symbol of
the phallocentric, warmongering, intolerant past) two differently
aged (but no less valuable to society) bovines of nonspecified
gender. You are torn by feelings of guilt, your psychotherapist
recommends a treatment centre. You spend six weeks there, paid
for by the community health plan, and graduate into Guilty
Anonymous.
COUNTERCULTURE:
Wow, dude, there's like...these two cows, man.
Uh, so, like, you have really got to do some of this milk, like, fer
shur, it's awesome, man.
SURREALISM:
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
COWS AND GOVERNMENT
(Societies and their models)
- ---------------------
FEUDALISM:
You have two cows.
Your lord takes some of the milk.
FASCISM:
You have two cows.
The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and
sells you the milk.
PURE COMMUNISM:
You have two cows.
Your neighbours help you take care of them, and you all share the
milk.
APPLIED COMMUNISM:
You have two cows.
You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the
milk.
DICTATORSHIP:
You have two cows.
The government takes both and shoots you.
Mexican DEMOCRACY:
You have two cows.
The government takes both, shoots you and sends the cows to
Zurich.
MILITARISM:
You have two cows.
The government takes both and drafts you into the army.
SINGAPOREAN DEMOCRACY:
You have two cows.
The government fines you for keeping two unlicensed farm animals
in an apartment.
PURE DEMOCRACY:
You have two cows.
All your neighbours decide who gets the milk.
REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY:
You have two cows.
Your neighbours pick someone who will tell you who gets the milk.
AMERICAN DEMOCRACY:
The government promises to give you two cows, if you vote for it.
After the election, the president is impeached for speculating in cow
futures. The press dubs the affair "Cowgate", but supports the
president. The cow sues you for breach of contract. Your legal bills
exceed your annual income. You settle out of court and declare
bankruptcy.
BRITISH DEMOCRACY:
You have two cows.
You feed them sheep's brains and they go mad.
The government doesn't do anything.
EUROPEAN DEMOCRACY:
You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can
feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to
milk them.
After that it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the
milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms
accounting for the missing cows.
CAPITALISM:
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You retire on the income.
HONG KONG CAPITALISM:
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly-listed company, using
letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then
execute a debt/equity swap with associated general offer so that
you get all four cows back, with a tax deduction for keeping five
cows. The milk rights of six cows are transferred via a Panamanian
intermediary to a Cayman Islands company secretly owned by the
majority shareholder, who sells the right to all seven cows' milk
back to the listed company. The annual report says that the
company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Meanwhile,
you kill the two cows because of bad "feng shui".
TOTALITARIANISM:
You have two cows.
The government takes them and denies they ever existed.
Milk is banned.
POLITICAL CORRECTNESS:
You are associated with (the concept of 'ownership' is a symbol of
the phallocentric, warmongering, intolerant past) two differently
aged (but no less valuable to society) bovines of nonspecified
gender. You are torn by feelings of guilt, your psychotherapist
recommends a treatment centre. You spend six weeks there, paid
for by the community health plan, and graduate into Guilty
Anonymous.
COUNTERCULTURE:
Wow, dude, there's like...these two cows, man.
Uh, so, like, you have really got to do some of this milk, like, fer
shur, it's awesome, man.
SURREALISM:
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
:P One of the best what I red in the last time.
My wife asked me about my sexuall history. I refused but she persisted, so i had to list everyone i had sex with, from the woman i lost my virginity to to her........and thats where i should have stopped.
hehe good..
and listen to this:
a older brother told little Joe about good way to earn some extra money.
- just say "I know about it..." to your mom or dad, and you'll get 10$, it's that easy!
So little Joe told his dad "I know about it...". Dad, little nervous - said "OK, don't tell anything to mom.", and gave him 10$. Happy little Joe goes to mom, and again he said "I know about it...". And mom also gave him 10$ "But don't tell anything to dad OK?".
Joe was so happy, that he wanted to use it on someone other. So, here comes the postman. Little Joe said "I know about it"...
Then... Postman drop his post-bag, his hand start shakin', his face become purple... And with tears in his eyes he said "So..Now when you know... Hug your daddy!".....
and listen to this:
a older brother told little Joe about good way to earn some extra money.
- just say "I know about it..." to your mom or dad, and you'll get 10$, it's that easy!
So little Joe told his dad "I know about it...". Dad, little nervous - said "OK, don't tell anything to mom.", and gave him 10$. Happy little Joe goes to mom, and again he said "I know about it...". And mom also gave him 10$ "But don't tell anything to dad OK?".
Joe was so happy, that he wanted to use it on someone other. So, here comes the postman. Little Joe said "I know about it"...
Then... Postman drop his post-bag, his hand start shakin', his face become purple... And with tears in his eyes he said "So..Now when you know... Hug your daddy!".....
The Devil goes to Poland, Russia, and Germany. Takes a man from each country and brings them all to an unknown location.
Devil: "If you want to be with your familes once again, you must bring a weapon from your country to me."
The 3 men agree and come the next day.
Devil: "Great job, now you must put them up ur butt and take the pain or you will never be heard from again!"
Polish: I brought a grenade.
*Puts it up his butt and tears come down his face.*
German: "I brought a pistol."
*Puts it up his butt and starts crying*
All of a sudden, the 2 men start laughing uncontrolably.
Devil: "Why are you laughing?"
Polish: "Here comes the Russian with a tank."
(edited)
Devil: "If you want to be with your familes once again, you must bring a weapon from your country to me."
The 3 men agree and come the next day.
Devil: "Great job, now you must put them up ur butt and take the pain or you will never be heard from again!"
Polish: I brought a grenade.
*Puts it up his butt and tears come down his face.*
German: "I brought a pistol."
*Puts it up his butt and starts crying*
All of a sudden, the 2 men start laughing uncontrolably.
Devil: "Why are you laughing?"
Polish: "Here comes the Russian with a tank."
(edited)
How do the three men know where to go the following day?