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Subject: Jokes
Hottest buzz word in today’s business world is Marketing. Many people ask for a simple explanation about what ‘Marketing’ is, so here:
You’re a woman and you notice a handsome guy in a party, you approach him and say: “I’m great in bed”.
That is Direct Marketing!
You’re a woman and you notice a handsome guy in a party, one of your friends approaches him, points at you and says: “She’s great in bed!”
That’s advertising!
You’re a woman and you notice a handsome guy in a party, you get his telephone number and call him the next morning saying: “I’m great in bed!”
That’s Telemarketing!
You’re a woman and you notice a handsome guy in a party, you walk over, pour him a drink, asking “May I?” you straighten his tie, and while casually rubbing against him you say: “I’m great in bed!”
That’s Public Relations!
You’re a woman and you notice a handsome guy in a party, he approaches you and says: “I heard you’re great in bed!”
That’s a Trademark!
You’re a woman and you notice a handsome guy in a party, you persuade him to go back home with your best friend.
That’s a pre-sales rep!
Your best friend is unable to satisfy him and he calls you!
That’s Technical Support!
You’re a woman and you are on your way to a party when you realise that there may be handsome guys in all the buildings you pass on your way, so you climb one of the rooftops and yell: “I AM GREAT IN BED!”
That’s Spamming!
:)
(edited)
You’re a woman and you notice a handsome guy in a party, you approach him and say: “I’m great in bed”.
That is Direct Marketing!
You’re a woman and you notice a handsome guy in a party, one of your friends approaches him, points at you and says: “She’s great in bed!”
That’s advertising!
You’re a woman and you notice a handsome guy in a party, you get his telephone number and call him the next morning saying: “I’m great in bed!”
That’s Telemarketing!
You’re a woman and you notice a handsome guy in a party, you walk over, pour him a drink, asking “May I?” you straighten his tie, and while casually rubbing against him you say: “I’m great in bed!”
That’s Public Relations!
You’re a woman and you notice a handsome guy in a party, he approaches you and says: “I heard you’re great in bed!”
That’s a Trademark!
You’re a woman and you notice a handsome guy in a party, you persuade him to go back home with your best friend.
That’s a pre-sales rep!
Your best friend is unable to satisfy him and he calls you!
That’s Technical Support!
You’re a woman and you are on your way to a party when you realise that there may be handsome guys in all the buildings you pass on your way, so you climb one of the rooftops and yell: “I AM GREAT IN BED!”
That’s Spamming!
:)
(edited)
A little old but funny nevertheless...
HU'S ON FIRST
(We take you now to the Oval Office.)
===========================
George: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening?
Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.
George: Great. Lay it on me.
Condi: Hu is the new leader of China.
George: That's what I want to know.
Condi: That's what I'm telling you.
George: That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes.
George: I mean the fellow's name.
Condi: Hu.
George: The guy in China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The new leader of China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The Chinaman!
Condi: Hu is leading China.
George: Now whaddya' asking me for?
Condi: I'm telling you Hu is leading China.
George: Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China?
Condi: That's the man's name.
George: That's who's name?
Condi: Yes.
George: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the Middle East.
Condi: That's correct.
George: Then who is in China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir is in China?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Then who is?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China.
Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.
Condi: Kofi?
George: No, thanks.
Condi: You want Kofi?
George: No.
Condi: You don't want Kofi.
George: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And then get me the U.N.
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi?
George: Milk! Will you please make the call?
Condi: And call who?
George: Who is the guy at the U.N?
Condi: Hu is the guy in China.
George: Will you stay out of China?!
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi.
George: All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone.
(Condi picks up the phone.)
Condi: Rice, here.
George: Rice? Good idea. And a couple of egg rolls, too. May be we should send some to the guy in China. And the Middle East. Can you get Chinese food in the Middle East?
HU'S ON FIRST
(We take you now to the Oval Office.)
===========================
George: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening?
Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.
George: Great. Lay it on me.
Condi: Hu is the new leader of China.
George: That's what I want to know.
Condi: That's what I'm telling you.
George: That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes.
George: I mean the fellow's name.
Condi: Hu.
George: The guy in China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The new leader of China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The Chinaman!
Condi: Hu is leading China.
George: Now whaddya' asking me for?
Condi: I'm telling you Hu is leading China.
George: Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China?
Condi: That's the man's name.
George: That's who's name?
Condi: Yes.
George: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the Middle East.
Condi: That's correct.
George: Then who is in China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir is in China?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Then who is?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China.
Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.
Condi: Kofi?
George: No, thanks.
Condi: You want Kofi?
George: No.
Condi: You don't want Kofi.
George: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And then get me the U.N.
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi?
George: Milk! Will you please make the call?
Condi: And call who?
George: Who is the guy at the U.N?
Condi: Hu is the guy in China.
George: Will you stay out of China?!
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi.
George: All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone.
(Condi picks up the phone.)
Condi: Rice, here.
George: Rice? Good idea. And a couple of egg rolls, too. May be we should send some to the guy in China. And the Middle East. Can you get Chinese food in the Middle East?
A typical joke of Brazilian:
A Portuguese plane back to Lisbon, and finds his friend Pedro who asks him:
-- Manoel, as was his trip to Brazil?
-- Pedro has been very good, but I discovered that Brazilians are very stupid.
-- Why?
-- Because the plane, a Brazilian had in my hand, and I lied for him who was gay, and he came to fucking me travel throughout!
HAHAHA
Desculpem-me amigos portugueses, mas essa é uma das minhas favoritas!
A Portuguese plane back to Lisbon, and finds his friend Pedro who asks him:
-- Manoel, as was his trip to Brazil?
-- Pedro has been very good, but I discovered that Brazilians are very stupid.
-- Why?
-- Because the plane, a Brazilian had in my hand, and I lied for him who was gay, and he came to fucking me travel throughout!
HAHAHA
Desculpem-me amigos portugueses, mas essa é uma das minhas favoritas!
or just to poor english to translate the joke decently
well the fact that he cant speak good english makes the joke even funnier lol
I would rather understand the joke if it was written in Portugese and I don't speak that language.
why did the shrimp leave the party?
because it pulled a muscle
because it pulled a muscle
I'm sure many of you, already seen this video, but I find it again and laught same good as 1st time :D Check it again ;) And btw. this topic is good, time to up him, and write some new jokes ;)
Americans are not stupid
Longer version (with "prime minister" of Australia:))
And here are also some british friends ;)
(edited)
Americans are not stupid
Longer version (with "prime minister" of Australia:))
And here are also some british friends ;)
(edited)
The British one with the question 'If you're in a race and you overtake the second person, which position are you in?' is a pretty cruel one. My first interpretation was that it was a 2 person race.
In which case you're overtaking yourself? Nobody can overtake the second person in a two person race.
Sure you can, if the race is on a running track. You can LAP that person.