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Subject: Jokes
Q: Wich ship will never dock in Liverpool.
A: The Premiereship
A: The Premiereship
I don't agree with Vodafone's advertising campaign.
It states: "Be part of the worlds largest mobile community"
Now correct me if I'm wrong but that's the Gypsies!
It states: "Be part of the worlds largest mobile community"
Now correct me if I'm wrong but that's the Gypsies!
A young boy asks his Dad, 'What is the difference between confident and confidential?'
Dad says, 'You are my son, I'm confident about that. But see your friend over there? He is also my son. That's confidential.'
Spending your life waiting for the Messiah to come save the world is like waiting around for the straight piece to come in Tetris. Even if it comes, by that time you've accumulated a mountain of shit so high that you're fu#@ed no matter what you do.
There was once a great actor who could no longer remember his lines. After many years he finds a theatre where they are prepared to give him a chance to shine again.
The director says, "This is the most important part, and it has only one line. You walk on to the stage at the opening carrying a rose. You hold the rose to your nose with just one finger and thumb, sniff the rose deeply and then say the line 'Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress' ok?"
The actor is thrilled. All day long before the play he's practicing his line over and over again.
Finally, the time came. The curtain went up, the actor walked onto the stage, and he delivered the line.......
The theatre erupted, the audience was screaming with laughter and the director was steaming!
"You bloody fool!" he cried, "you've ruined me!"
The actor was bewildered, "What happened, did I forget my line?"
"No you twat," screamed the director, "you forgot the rose..."
Dad says, 'You are my son, I'm confident about that. But see your friend over there? He is also my son. That's confidential.'
Spending your life waiting for the Messiah to come save the world is like waiting around for the straight piece to come in Tetris. Even if it comes, by that time you've accumulated a mountain of shit so high that you're fu#@ed no matter what you do.
There was once a great actor who could no longer remember his lines. After many years he finds a theatre where they are prepared to give him a chance to shine again.
The director says, "This is the most important part, and it has only one line. You walk on to the stage at the opening carrying a rose. You hold the rose to your nose with just one finger and thumb, sniff the rose deeply and then say the line 'Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress' ok?"
The actor is thrilled. All day long before the play he's practicing his line over and over again.
Finally, the time came. The curtain went up, the actor walked onto the stage, and he delivered the line.......
The theatre erupted, the audience was screaming with laughter and the director was steaming!
"You bloody fool!" he cried, "you've ruined me!"
The actor was bewildered, "What happened, did I forget my line?"
"No you twat," screamed the director, "you forgot the rose..."