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Subject: Jokes
There is a well known party drug that is named with one letter - it's not "F" though, as the dyslexic thought ;-)
A helicopter crashed on a graveryard.The police stated that the number of dead men is over 500 and they're still looking.
Prisoner gets a letter from his mother.
He reads: " Oh, son, it's so hard without you. It's time to plant the potatoes, but there isn't anybody to dig the garden."
He writes back: "Dear mother, don't dig too much in the garden or you might find something that puts you also in the jail and I'll get even more years."
After 2 weeks arrives a new letter: "After your letter police came to us, dug up the entire garden, but didn't find anything and drove away swearing."
Son writes: "Mother, I did what I could, but you'll have to plant the potatoes yourself."
He reads: " Oh, son, it's so hard without you. It's time to plant the potatoes, but there isn't anybody to dig the garden."
He writes back: "Dear mother, don't dig too much in the garden or you might find something that puts you also in the jail and I'll get even more years."
After 2 weeks arrives a new letter: "After your letter police came to us, dug up the entire garden, but didn't find anything and drove away swearing."
Son writes: "Mother, I did what I could, but you'll have to plant the potatoes yourself."
A Scotsman who was driving home one night, ran into a car driven by an Englishman. The Scotsman got out of the car to apologize and offered the Englishman a drink from a bottle of whisky. The Englishman was glad to have a drink.
"Go on," said the Scot, "have another drink."
The Englishman drank gratefully. "But don't you want one, too?" he asked the Scotsman.
"Perhaps," replied the Scotsman, "after the police have gone."
The man: "God, how long is a million years?"
God: "To me, it's about a minute."
The man: "God, how much is a million dollars?"
God: "To me it's a penny."
The man: "God, may I have a penny?"
God: "Wait a minute."
A: Doctor, will I be able to play the piano after the operation?
B: Yes, of course.
A: Great! I never could before!
Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with an "I".
Student: I is the...
Teacher: Stop! Never put 'is' after an "I". Always put 'am' after an "I".
Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.
Two factory workers are talking.
The woman says, "I can make the boss give me the day off."
The man replies, "And how would you do that?"
The woman says, "Just wait and see." She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling.
The boss comes in and says, "What are you doing?"
The woman replies, "I'm a light bulb."
The boss then says, "You've been working so much that you've gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off."
The man starts to follow her and the boss says, "Where are you going?"
The man says, "I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark."
"Go on," said the Scot, "have another drink."
The Englishman drank gratefully. "But don't you want one, too?" he asked the Scotsman.
"Perhaps," replied the Scotsman, "after the police have gone."
The man: "God, how long is a million years?"
God: "To me, it's about a minute."
The man: "God, how much is a million dollars?"
God: "To me it's a penny."
The man: "God, may I have a penny?"
God: "Wait a minute."
A: Doctor, will I be able to play the piano after the operation?
B: Yes, of course.
A: Great! I never could before!
Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with an "I".
Student: I is the...
Teacher: Stop! Never put 'is' after an "I". Always put 'am' after an "I".
Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.
Two factory workers are talking.
The woman says, "I can make the boss give me the day off."
The man replies, "And how would you do that?"
The woman says, "Just wait and see." She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling.
The boss comes in and says, "What are you doing?"
The woman replies, "I'm a light bulb."
The boss then says, "You've been working so much that you've gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off."
The man starts to follow her and the boss says, "Where are you going?"
The man says, "I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark."
i still love that one :)
too bad it only works in english :(
too bad it only works in english :(
f*** I need an explenation for that one =(
ow = eau = water??
ow = eau = water??
ye call a pub a cafe? weird...
mainly thats what id consider a bar to be anways... maybe caus im irish, but im pretty sure thats what it is meant to be.. as in a man walks into a pub hence the irony of the joke also - pub where you go to relax and have fun etc..instead he gets pain and stuff...
mainly thats what id consider a bar to be anways... maybe caus im irish, but im pretty sure thats what it is meant to be.. as in a man walks into a pub hence the irony of the joke also - pub where you go to relax and have fun etc..instead he gets pain and stuff...
Quite old, but worth watching again...and if someone failed to see it...just check this! :))
Jimmy Kimmel has an entertaining show in US television. He made a little joke by ending every of his shows by "I'm sorry Matt Damon, but we have run out of time". After some time he finally invited Matt...and check out what happened! :D
Video 1
Well Matt has decided to have a revenge...together with wife of Jimmy Kimmel! Just watch it. :)
Video 2
Well Jimmy made the final punch after that. Many celebrities took part in it, for example Harrison Ford, Robbin Williams, Cameron Diaz, Ben Affleck, Brad Pitt.
Video 3
Amazing :)
(edited)
Jimmy Kimmel has an entertaining show in US television. He made a little joke by ending every of his shows by "I'm sorry Matt Damon, but we have run out of time". After some time he finally invited Matt...and check out what happened! :D
Video 1
Well Matt has decided to have a revenge...together with wife of Jimmy Kimmel! Just watch it. :)
Video 2
Well Jimmy made the final punch after that. Many celebrities took part in it, for example Harrison Ford, Robbin Williams, Cameron Diaz, Ben Affleck, Brad Pitt.
Video 3
Amazing :)
(edited)
I wonder if it was some kind of natural "war" or rather planned and well-paid show for people...
If you look at Damon's face when Kimmel tells him "sorry, we've run outta time"...then I don't think it's planned ;) why should he do this? they wouldn't be able to pay him enough I think.